Dear Luz #3

Our advice columnist, local comedian Luz Michelle, is here to solve all your problems, big and small. And she does it all with her signature combination of humor and empathy.

Dear Luz,

My kids are really athletic, which is great for them, but it’s not for me. My weekends are spent in the bleachers, watching game after game after game, and I hate it. While I want my kids’ teams to win, I really don’t care about baseball or football or wrestling. But if I’m not at their games, then I’ll be the only parent who doesn’t support their kids. How do I get through these awful, seemingly endless, sports-filled weekends?

– Wishing I had nerdy kids

Dear Wishing,

Mama, sit back and relax – I have the secret ingredient for your peace! Sharing your weekends with our kids’ activities can be pure torture, especially in the early morning. (Yes, I said that aloud. WHAT IS THAT EVEN ABOUT?!)  It is time to get more family and friends involved. Call them up and make your pitch: tell them how MUCH your kids miss them and how catching one of their weekend practices/games is the BEST way to spend time with them.  Create a calendar, and fill those sporting events with loving friends and family. Then, go enjoy your weekends again, especially HAPPY hour!!!

Dear Luz,

You really helped my friend with her singing dad, so now it’s my turn. My dad is so embarrassing, especially the way he dresses. His clothes are too tight and soooooo dorky. I think he bought all his clothing way before I was born, like the 80s or some other prehistoric time. It’s almost his birthday, and I’d like to take him shopping for a new wardrobe – his treat! How do I nicely tell him this is the best gift he’ll ever receive?

– Embarrassed by my dad

Dear Embarrassed,

80s? Prehistoric? Ahem. EXCUSE ME! I was born in 1980, and I am far from prehistoric ….

But more importantly, Did I just hear you say SHOPPING SPREE?!

While you have to hand it to anyone who marches to the beat of their own drum, I hear you, and I see your teen angst. So if you’re willing, there’s really only one way to do this: grab your dad (and his credit card, of course), and go shopping! But…let him choose an outfit for you and you choose an outfit for him.

What?! YES! No matter what the outfit looks like, wear it with confidence. Being different isn’t all bad, trust me (and your dad). Just tap into that energy that your dad shines so bright!

Dear Luz,

My sister and I are only 11 months apart, but we couldn’t be more different. I live in New York and work in finance, and she lives in Los Angeles and is an actress. Despite our differences, we were always very close. We’ve had a standing Sunday phone date for years, but it doesn’t seem like we really have a conversation – it’s just her telling me all about her life and then she says she must go! I rarely get to share anything about my life. How do I tell her that I’d like to share my life with her as well?

– Silent sister

Dear Silence,

I only have a brother, but from what I understand, this is normal sister stuff – the endless “Look at me, it’s about me, WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!”

So stop whatever you are doing right now, pick up the phone (yes humans still do this, and yes, even if it’s a Wednesday, pick up the phone), and TELL your sister what you are feeling! This is family, no need to keep it inside (as we love to do). In the words of John Mayer, “Say what you need to say.”  (You’re very welcome for that lovely earworm!)  Express your thoughts and all the feelings. Even though she’s clearly living her best life right now and wants to share it with you, you deserve the opportunity to share yours as well.

Dear Luz,

My best friend just moved away, and I’m lonely. I work fulltime in Manhattan, and when I’m home, I want to spend that time with my family, not going PTO meetings to meet other moms. It’s really hard to make friends as an adult, especially when I’m not around during the day for “lunch with the girls” or whatever the stay-at-home moms do. Please tell me how to make new friends.

– Friendless and lonely

Dear Friendless,

First and foremost, I LOVE making new friends! Let’s do lunch soon (on a weekend, of course).

Second, I am so sorry to hear about your bestie. My BFF and I began a long-distance relationship over six years ago, and I pinkie promise you will stay just as close.

Here’s the good news: this is an opportunity for personal development and growth (gross, I know). And it doesn’t involve PTO meetings or anything else you deem torturous. But finding your tribe will require you making the first move.

Call up the women you think you’d like and ask them to meet you for a drink after work or set up a boozy Sunday brunch. (My absolute favorite!! Thank you, I’d love to join!) But also do the not awful things where you can meet new people (volunteer for weekend events at the school, go to the birthday parties, research community gatherings, join a book club, etc.).

Then, pick and choose who you want to spend your free mom time with. Yes, it’s really that simple. Now go create the life YOU WANT!

Disclaimer: It’s okay to laugh – this is a humor column! We welcome your Dear Luz questions, but we’re legally obligated to say this is not a substitute for real advice by professionals.